It’s such an exciting day when I can visit my Misfit. Anticipation is high! This is our weekly date. And with my Object Impermanence, seeing him in person is the way I refill my love tank.

The Shortest 6 Hours, 15 Minutes

The day before, I plan my clothes and count out my dollar bills for the vending machines. I always choose an outfit that makes me feel prettiest. He likes dresses on me.

Now that I’m living only 45 minutes away from him, I’m able to see him at least once a week. (Before that, it was every four months.) But when you’re in love and married, even that week feels like trudging through an arid desert towards the distant mountains, walking and walking but not getting any closer.

But the day finally arrives! I have alarms set on my phone so I’m not late, because if I’m not there as soon as the door opens, then we’ve lost that precious time together. The first alarm is to wake me up in case I oversleep. The second alarm is to get to the car.

I like to be among the first to be processed, because the farther back in line you are, the more likely there is that someone in front of you is new to all this and will take up an inordinate amount of time. It happened a couple weeks ago, and it happened again this weekend.

She was told to go change something, and when she came back she was allowed her place back in line. Then they dinged her on something else and she had to go back again. Back to the front of the line when she returns. And would you believe it? She still didn’t make it through the metal detector, and the officer had to wand her.

Turns out she had a regular bra on.

By the time she came back after her third time, the officer was just about to call my name (she had looked at me and opened her mouth), but when this lady came back, she got to go back to the front of the line again. This one lady took up so much time. And that is why I like to get there as early as I can.

The officers won’t open the door to the visiting room until exactly 8:30 AM or 12:00 PM (depending on the day), and if I’m among the first to process, there’s a wait time until they open the door. But I don’t mind, because I know there is no wasted time. Then the officer assigns me a table, and I wait while they do a separate process of my Misfit in the back. This takes about another ten minutes.

[Meanwhile, my misfit is dressed and ready in his building, waiting to be called. Once he’s called, he has to go through his own process in the back.]

Hands off, Misfit Wife!

After all this time—roughly 90 minutes from the time I left my home—we are able to share “a brief hug and kiss” before sitting at the table where we must maintain a 90-degree angle from each other. And:

Holding of hands is

allowed, but hands must be

on top of the table in

view at all times.

[actual formatting of actual sign]

I often have to stifle urges to hold his arm, or rub his stubble, or feel his hair. Such things are verboten. At the end of the six hours and fifteen minutes, we are allowed another “brief hug and kiss,” and then it’s good-bye.

Let me remind you that we have been approved for family visits and are on the eve of our sixth taste of this heaven. We’re allowed to do whatever we want during our family visit, but during a regular visit I’m not even allowed to rub his arm? Dare I lay my head on his shoulder?

The nuns in the room with rulers will smack your hands if you reach for the forbidden fruit sitting at the table with you. Such hanky panky may get out of hand, and there are often children in the room, you know. I know one of the reasons for such prudishness is to prevent contraband from making its way inside the prison. It’s hard to suffer for the sins of other people.

But all of that may be about to change.

Enter HUGS

A new piece of legislation has been approved this week and will go into effect on January 1, 2027.

AB 1645: Corrections: Humanizing and Uniting Generations Safely Act of 2026. Euphemistically, HUGS.

And this is so very exciting for all of us who visit our loved ones in California prisons!

In essence, it will “recognize and consider the importance of physical contact in incarcerated person visitation. The bill would prohibit [CDCR] from unreasonably restricting the ability of incarcerated persons or their visitors to engage in certain types of nonsexual physical contact throughout the visit.”

It will also provide a framework for discipline should an inmate engage in a legitimately prohibited type of physical contact—first a warning and a chance to change the behavior. From what I’ve read on the Facebook groups, many visiting room officers don’t give warnings. All of a sudden the inmate loses his visiting privileges for a period of time. (source)

If you want to deep dive into this issue, here’s the California Legislative page.

Here are some useful links for those new to CDCR or merely curious about the visitation process:

The different types of visits at a California prison

FAQs about visiting at a California prison (these were posted when visiting first resumed after Covid)

So What Does This Actually Mean?

From what I understand, the new law doesn’t mean that anything goes. Just that the boundaries are loosened a bit. Exactly how that will be implemented remains to be seen!

I can’t wait to see what January 1 brings.