Bless MFT’s overflowing heart—it’s bigger than his stomach. We forgot to account for his need for editorial help. Full-time school plus almost full-time work for Dolly hasn’t left much brain space or editing time. Add in some power struggles between the two very independently-minded authors, and well, there’s been a disruption in our writing.

So instead, I’m starting a fun new series while we work out our kinks and reestablish our writing rhythm.

Once people know I’m comfortable talking about our relationship, the questions come. So I thought I’d start a series with all the questions you’re afraid to ask me or other prison wives. (If I missed one, leave it in the comments and I’ll answer it in a future post!)

We’ll start with the basics.

These are generally the first questions people ask me:

How did you meet him?

We met through the Write-a-Prisoner.com website. I searched for people serving Life Without Parole sentences, because it felt physically safer than writing someone who might get out of prison someday. (Anxiety Brain naturally imagined a man someday showing up at my door with a knife. Naturally.)

How often do you talk?

We talk every day, except during the occasional . . . verbal conflict. Then we generally go a couple days without talking. It’s easier to go that long since we’re not physically together. A couple times we’ve gone almost a week without talking.

What is communication like day-to-day?

On my workdays, he’ll call at his 7 AM when the phones turn on. That’s when I’m getting ready for work and driving, so we’ll generally get three 15-minute calls. If I’m not swamped with homework, we’ll get about three more in the evening.

Evenings are harder on his side, because that’s the time everybody wants to call their loved ones, and there’s a lot of competition for the phones. Also, the phones are jinky in the evenings—lots of garbling and cutting in and out. It’s generally not worth the extra stress.

On weekends, we’ll get a big chunk of talking time in the mornings. That’s also when we’ll do our writing. It’s the quietest time of the day on his end with few inmates clamoring to use the phone, so it works well for our writing. It’s hard enough working together with the recorded interruptions and the calls ending every fifteen minutes. Maddening, I tell you.

We text throughout the day, every day. And sometimes at night, if we’re both awake. I can tell when he’s on his tablet, because a little green light shows up by his name.

How expensive is it to stay in contact?

I currently budget $25 each month for my texts. He has to pay for his texts too.

Phone calls are free.

Video calls cost $2.50 for 15 minutes. He gets one free video call every so often, so right now while my budget is dieting, we are limiting ourselves to the freebies. (This diet is hard for me because out-of-sight . . .)

(ETA: The day after this post is live, my Misfit Toy’s prison will be getting all-new tablets under Securus—which will affect phones, text messages, videos, and so on—so these last few answers may be out-of-date almost immediately. We’ll update you on how things go in a future post.)

How often do you get to see each other in person?

Right now, because I live Too Far Away and we are saving my flights for our family visits, we see each other every four months. When I move back to my soul’s home, however, I’ll be moving to his general area, and our plan is one regular visit a week (in addition to the family visits). We’ll have a weekly date!

What are visits actually like?

WONDERFUL.

I can finally see him and touch him. Because of the way my brain is wired, out-of-sight equals out-of-mind.

After a month or so of only talking, he becomes just a Voice on the Phone.

Can you hug or touch during visits?

At the beginning and end of each regular day visit, we’re allowed a “brief” hug and kiss. During the visit, we are only allowed to hold hands. However, if we take advantage of the patio time when it’s offered (about three times during a 6-hr visit), then we can sit right up next to each other on a bench. I can even lay my head on his shoulder! (ETA: But there seems to be a new world order—even that was prohibited last week.)

How long are visits?

Regular visits are 6 hours. This is in a large room with many other inmates, their visitors, five vending machines, and two guards.

Family visits are 46 continuous hours. ALONE.

Now you tell me. What’s a question you’ve always wondered but never asked?

Coming up next . . . Relationship Dynamics!