How do you know he’s telling the truth?
First, at the beginning of our friendship I “met” two other female friends of his—one had known him for nine years. I figured if these other women trusted him, then I could too.
Later, I read all of the letters written to MFT by an older, God-fearing couple. Their friendship had lasted about nine years. Joanne Dunn and her husband were go-betweens for MFT and his children and helped him manage his money. She passed away around 2010. (Of interest, she was bucked off a horse when she was five, went to bed that night, and woke up paralyzed. She later won the gold medal in archery for the United States in an early version of the Paralympics). MFT still misses her.
MFT had also told me early on that he was engaged. He didn’t have to tell me that. It’s very easy for prisoners to have more than one outside relationship.
Additionally, he is hypersensitive to the misrepresentation of truth in the smallest details (a direct result of the misrepresentation of him at his trial and his subsequent “education” in prison).
And now, after being married for 4.5 years, I know he’s telling the truth just like any other married couple knows.
Do you worry he’s talking to other women?
It honestly never crosses my mind. He always tells me when he gets pen pal requests and shares his experiences communicating with them. I’m more worried he’ll get a pen pal letter from someone prettier or more socially adept than I am and then fall in love with her, but I know that’s just my Anxiety doing its job. (You might say, why let him have female pen pals then, but that would feel mean to me. He’s been locked up for 25 years, and he loves people. He thrives on his relationships with his outside friends.)
Another thing, one of our relationship soundtrack songs is Johnny Cash’s “Walk the Line.”
Are you concerned he’s using you for money or support?
Nope. In the course of our relationship, he’s actually given me more money than I’ve given him. (It’s more than you’d think, and it’s not from what you think.) And more often than not, he tells me to take money from his categories in my budget and use it for things I need. Awww! He sure knows the way to this Dolly’s heart.
Maybe someday he’ll write that post about how he’s made money in prison.
How do you know who he really is?
I feel safer with him than with someone I might meet on Tinder or another online dating site. How could I ever be sure someone I meet online or elsewhere is really who they say they are? Ted Bundy was an attractive, friendly man.
MFT has already done the worst thing he could do, and I know he grieves over it more than he says and wishes he could go back and save the life he took. I know he feels great remorse that he hurt not only his victim, but her family and friends and everyone else it affected. This speaks to me of his character and who he is.
Did you research his case?
When I first found him on writeaprisoner.com, I clicked on the option to see his crime (murder), because as a woman I wouldn’t have felt comfortable writing someone whose crime was rape. (I realize some people may find it odd that murder felt safer to me than rape, but I suspect many women will understand exactly what I mean.) If I wasn’t trying to avoid rapists, I wouldn’t have even looked up his crime.
Even after getting to know him, I didn’t feel the need to know all the gory details of what he did, because it didn’t feel relevant to me. If I’m going to be writing to someone in prison, I already know the person has done a really bad thing, and since MFT is serving Life Without Parole, that means his really bad thing is really, really bad.
Since then, he’s told me what happened and even gave me the audio of the police interview (with the transcription) from the night of the murder. Which I have read.
Do you believe what he says about his crime?
Yes, because everything he’s told me is backed up by the official police interview from the night of the murder.
And again, I intimately know his character and trust him.
Do you feel safe emotionally?
This is interesting timing. We are currently in a time-out because our argument was pushing me to the point of feeling unsafe with myself. I’m learning in my therapy to notice the warning signs of my own elevation and to exit the conversation before I reach the boiling point. But that has more to do with my mental health and learning my own boundaries than with him.
Generally, though, I do feel very safe with him emotionally. He is a protector, and I know that he puts me first above everything else in his life. How could I not feel safe with that?
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