Seeing how we just got back from our sixth such family visit, we thought we’d collaborate on a post about it.

Attic Alert! This is your one-and-only Misfit Toy here to let you know that there will be a subscriber’s Attic entry at the bottom. Don’t miss this peek behind the veil!

The Scene Opens

Check-in time begins at 8 AM, and because Dolly is very conscientious and worries about things that could prevent her timely arrival (such as construction on one of the long country roads causing a 20-minute blockade, which has happened before), she left in plenty of time and arrived about 12 minutes early.

If one arrives for visiting (of any type) before the official check-in time, one must wait outside the prison grounds in a line of cars. Since there ended up being only two of us having conjugal/family visits, there were only two of us in line. (On a Saturday day visit, the line can be a dozen cars long, or longer.)

Check-in involves filling out forms, finding up to five DVDs and X-Box games to borrow, and waiting.

Waiting for your fresh food to arrive (which you ordered 2 weeks ago).

Waiting to have your bags inspected by one of the officers.

Waiting to inspect your box of mail order food (which you ordered a month ago).

Waiting to check your personal belongings into a locker and arranging any medication “deliveries.” (An officer will bring you your medication at the times you arrange.)

Waiting for the men to be picked up, processed, and delivered to the assigned units. (On this day, they were men. Your mileage may vary.)

Getting the Ratings Right

There are rules about what we can watch in prison. For example, visitors can bring in new, shrink-wrapped DVDs, as long as they’re rated PG-13 or below.

Bad boys aren’t allowed to watch rated R. Despite the fact that they’re getting an NC-17 visit.

Be that as it may . . . my misfit had been looking forward to watching the TV drama Mad Men.

He’d watched the first season on his new GTL tablet three years earlier, and he really wanted to see what happened next. So he kept his monthly movie service, hoping that eventually Season 2 would show up. It never did.

Season 1.

Month after month.

That was it.

Then along came the Securus tablets with all sorts of movies and TV shows available for rent! His hopes rose. And one day, there it was:

Mad Men.

He clicked on it.

But . . .

Season 1.

Still.

Just.

Season 1.

And now, instead of paying $1.99 a month for unlimited access to that month’s movies and TV shows, he would have to pay $2.50 per episode.

But then . . .

He got an idea.

A lawful idea.

My misfit got a wonderful, lawful idea!

If he could bring a new, shrink-wrapped DVD into the prison, and if it was rated PG-13 or lower, then there was no rule saying Dolly couldn’t bring him the entire second season of Mad Men, which is rated TV-14.

For under $10, he could finally binge-watch all of Season 2. And not on some tablet. He could watch it snuggled up with Dolly at our next family visit.

And that’s exactly what I did. I bought the new, unopened, still shrink-wrapped Season 2. But it was refused, and I had to trot it back to my car! Even though Season 1 is on their tablets, rated TV-14. Why??

Because the back of the case says “Not Rated.” Why, oh why, does a TV-14 drama series say “Not Rated”??

But my Misfit handled the dashing of his hopes with aplomb.

The Plot Thickens

Since my hubby is gimpy, and officially labelled as handicapped, we are always in the ADA unit, which is at the other end of the (very long) prison. They’ve always driven me over in a van, but with a change in administration of the family visits comes new ways.

Now they have a limo golf cart with a wheelchair ramp which I rode in, along with my cart of stuff (bags, food, 5 DVDs). This is actually a much more efficient way to do things, since the cart can roll right from the processing building onto the golf cart, and then it can roll right into the family visit unit. Before, there was a lot of loading and unloading and carrying of bulky, heavy items.

But the golf cart, even though it is a stretch version, goes much slower than the van, and it was excruciating watching how slowly the buildings were passing by . . . B . . . C . . . only D! . . . E . . . Finally!

On Set

Upon arrival, after some affectionate greetings, the first order of business is almost always setting up house. Dolly can’t relax until everything is shipshape.

Since my misfit is in charge of the cleaning, kitchen, and cooking, he puts away all the food and organizes the rest of the kitchen items I’ve brought. The unit has pots & pans and cooking utensils, but you can’t be sure what else will be there, so I bring plates, bowls, plastic eating utensils, a dish cloth, a dish towel, and silicone potholders.

MFT: Having Dolly living local means more luxury, because she doesn’t have to worry about the weight restrictions of a suitcase and paying extra if it goes over 50 pounds. For example, I felt very pampered having a heavy, luscious, body-sized towel for drying off.

My job is to set up the queen-sized bed . . . mattress protector (believe me, you want this), pillow protectors (ditto), sheets, blanket, and pillowcases.  

This time we had planned to move one of the twin mattresses from the second bedroom to the floor of the living room for additional snuggle space (which ended up being a very good thing, because Dolly’s tailbone was having trouble on the hard sofa this time). So I had also brought twin-sized bedding.

It’s a lot of work prepping and coming home from a family visit! Packing, setting up, refolding and repacking, washing, and refolding again for storage until the next visit. And that’s just the linens.

The Concessions Stand

My Misfit feeds me very well. He cooks everything, and his food is delicious! Seriously. I’m not just saying that because I’m not the one cooking.

Last time it was grilled sandwiches. This time fried burritos. My favorite was the breakfast burrito I ate late at night—scrambled eggs, hashbrowns, three cheeses, green sauce, and tomatoes—wrapped in a flour tortilla and fried in butter until it’s crispy brown. Let me just say, MMMMMM!

I do suspect his eyes are bigger than his stomach though. He likes his Dolly plump, and I think he’s fattening me up for his own benefit. I always overeat on our family visits.

“Do you want a snack?”

“Are you hungry?”

“Let’s have some cookies.”

Or silently opening a package of candy and passing me the first piece. It’s hard to resist his dedication to make sure I don’t feel a single hunger pain while I’m with him.

Plot Twist

Not believing we’d need them, but I grabbed them just in case—and was it a good thing I did!—I borrowed The Shallows, The Martian, Beetlejuice 1 and 2, Me Before You, and Safe Haven.

That last one is a Nicholas Sparks adaptation, and since I had really enjoyed The Notebook (although I drenched the corner of my blanket by the end), I thought it’d be a good one to watch:

Katie Feldman moves to a small town on the North Carolina coast, determined to make a new life for herself. She . . . is soon won over by the warmth and caring of the close-knit community, especially that of Alex, a widower. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1702439

The movie started with a very busy pastor (played by Greg Kinnear) in a small Nebraska town. He’s a part-time handyman, volunteer fireman, and pastor. He breaks his leg playing baseball. He pulls his back out preaching. After they get through those trials, his family goes on a road trip to Colorado.

By this point, MFT was thinking the movie would skip ahead to the son as an adult, who would be the widower. I was thinking the pastor’s wife would die. Somehow they have to get a widower! The introduction sure was taking a long time.

Eventually, things started to feel familiar, and we also realized the movie would have to make a major shift if it was going to line up with the summary.

The little boy ends up in the hospital with septic appendicitis and has a near-death experience. After his recovery he begins talking about being in heaven with Jesus.

Yeah.

This is the wrong movie.

Someone who has dyslexia and avoids reading didn’t notice that the movie title on the DVD didn’t match that on the case. But that’s okay. It was still a good movie, and I still cried.

And yes, years ago, I had read the book Heaven Is For Real.

Take Two

A double marshmallow quicksand mattress is impossible. We roll together into a deep valley. Now, we like to sleep close in bed, but not that close. Not gravity-pulling, Black Hole close. I need to be able to move a little.

So we did what any sleep-deprived, in-love couple would do—we went out and tried to sleep on the twin mattress. Ha ha. Mr. MFT was more successful than I was. But because he was on the outside edge, he did get nudged off and ended up half on, half off.

Oopsie!

So the next day I deflowered the queen bed, Mr. Strong removed the top mattress, and I remade the bed. Oh, it was so much better! I actually felt rested the next morning (unusual at a family visit), despite the Piercing Every-Three-Hour Phone Calls From Headquarters.

The Final Cut

My favorite thing to do with my husband is—hey! I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not that—is to play Rummy. Normally he can smoke me (example: at one point, his score was 80 and mine was 400, and he still got to 500 before me), but MFT isn’t such a good player when I’m, shall we say, not wearing much.

What can I say? I used what I had to my advantage. (Sadly, I can’t do that during our regular day visits.)

The rest of our time, when we weren’t eating, watching movies, trying to sleep, eating, and eating some more was spent in each other’s arms. Those details will remain behind the veil as we keep things classy downstairs. MFT, however, will be more than happy to show you the way to the attic where you can read the parts that Dolly doesn’t easily allow him to share.

8:00 AM on the third day comes fast. Only a short 46 hours after our first embrace.

Now we are eagerly waiting the about-four months for our next taste of heaven. Heaven is for real!

As promised, here’s a new entry to The Attic (after clicking, scroll all the way down to find it):

For more of our posts on family visits: