When will he get out?

Right now, never.

That’s the legal answer today.

His sentence is Life Without Parole. But laws in California are changing, and they are creeping closer and closer to my misfit toy, so we are hopeful that someday they will touch him. He has been imprisoned over 25 years now and is considered elderly (ha ha). He also has very good behavior (11 years without a write-up) and gets family visits (not many LWOPers do). I don’t want to diminish how his victim’s family and friends may feel about this, but I naturally hope for a better life for him, and I’d like it to be spent with me.

What do you imagine your life will look like when he’s released?

I’m currently buying a home only an hour from MFT, so after he leaves the obligatory reentry program, we’ll live together. *Skyrockets in flight! A lifetime of delight!* Buying this home has been a huge blessing for me, but also for MFT. Having a stable home to go to would look very good in his parole packet, should he ever go before the board. For obvious reasons, it’s very hard to find a place that will rent to a felon.

Are you planning to live together?

Yes, of course!

He’s probably going to get tired of me. Breakfast in his lap. Lunch in his lap. Dinner you-know-where. I’ll even happily share my full-size bed with him. I might draw the line at bathroom breaks though.

What are your expectations for life after prison?

MFT better get a job.

Ha ha, I jest.

Partly.

I know he will have no problem doing so. Despite being locked up, he’s already been contributing to my finances and to our household since the beginning of our relationship. He’s certainly not lacking in the gumption department. He founded an LLC in 2017, inspired my vending machine venture, spearheaded the writing of our book, and designed our Misfit brand for this blog and on Substack. If he can do all that from prison, just imagine what he could do without any walls!

My dad valued initiative, so I think he’d value MFT.

How are you preparing for that transition?

MFT is an upright and far-thinking man, so his natural way of living means he’s been the de facto example of someone preparing for this transition long before I met him. He’s been working on himself, enrolling in as many groups as he can, and living a life that minimizes the likelihood of trouble. And doing his best to stay out of it when it is forced upon him. Once my hero suffered a dislocated shoulder rather than engage in a fight!

He has a lot to say on this topic, but we’ll save that for its own post.

As for what I will do, I’ve got the home. CHECK.

Next up is a church that will support me and also welcome him should he ever come home. I don’t mean financial support, but community support.

MFT is big on networking (I think whoever coined the phrase was watching his life), so he hopes to have those give-and-take connections already in place before he comes home, which will make finding work much easier for him.

As my gift to him, I want to start a savings account for him, since if/when he comes home, he’ll need everything—clothes, shoes, toothbrush, whitie tighties, cell phone. (Yes, I know that technically a cell phone isn’t a need, but in our society now, it almost is.)

Are you worried things will be different After Lockup?

I worry that we’ll argue over finances, because his way of thinking about money is so very different from mine. Picture it this way—loosey goosey meets martial law.

I know he’ll make me do things my OCD won’t want to do. For example, leaving dirty dishes overnight instead of washing them—which will of course be good for me, but I won’t like it.

Another thing that worries me is that MFT’s clutter will stress me out.

He often tells me he can’t go to bed yet because of all the stuff on his bunk. And at our family visits, he spreads his stuff all over like seaweed on a beach, whereas I keep mine in tidy, orthogonal arrangements—like a chessboard. Not just tidy, Monica tidy.

He says: In my defense, I believe there’s a time and place for everything. Normally, dishes will be washed at night, but on special occasions, there’s nothing wrong with leaving them overnight. As for my seaweed-covered bunk, I live in a very small space. My locker is not an enjoyable thing to access. So my bunk is my house, my office, my workshop, my counterspace, my desk. And I do put everything away at shutting-down time.

What are you most excited to show him?

This may sound really weird, but I’m most excited to sit down and go through my Amazon and ebay shopping history with him. Believe it or not, I actually thought this very thing to myself before ever reading this question. It will be rather like going into a confessional. But I know he’ll have a lot of pithy, witty, disparaging-in-a-loving-but-funny-way things to say about my shortcomings.

“Why did you think you needed a pink and yellow purse?”

“Turkey scrubs? How many times have you actually worn those?”

I also really look forward to going through old photos of myself with him. Showing him my life in picture form. (And if you know me, you know I have a lot of photos!)

It will mean so much to be able to show him a life of good things without a clock ticking down to the end of the visit.