Surprise! A Second-Hand Doll

“Whoa! You’re a tornado! Slow down, you little ripper-tearer. You mustn’t waste this moment. You know presents don’t grow on trees around here, so take your time. Let’s enjoy!”

“Mommm, I am!”

R-r-r-i-i-i-p! His pace slowed, but not by much.

“A pair of socks just for me! And they’re brand-new too!” It was a fleeting moment. Lunging across the table, the Boy disrupted the faded tablecloth, which was a gift from one of his mother’s weddings—she wasn’t sure which one. He snatched up the second present, nearly tearing off the thin paper in his rush. Already forgotten, the clumsily knitted socks dropped, grazing Scrap’s backside and making the still-skinny cat scuttle from the room in surprise.

What a hullabaloo! The Boy’s mom wearily smiled at him as she sipped her third cup of afternoon black coffee from an “I Am Woman, Hear Me Yawn” mug. The coffee she drank was the only strong thing about her. The rest of her gave an impression of faded, limp futility.  

“Even though I haven’t slept in days, seeing him this happy is definitely worth working all those extra night shifts at the factory.” She beamed, revealing a lovely brown smile.

The Boy’s mom had pulled out all the stops to give him a special birthday this year. Since his stepfather had no interest in contributing to the Boy’s big day (preferring to spend his money on pipedream collectibles, Rot Root Beer, and the occasional scalped sports ticket), his mom had taken on extra hours at the factory. Working at Whiffy Le Pong’s Cheese Factory was no fun at all, especially as it meant coming home smelling of stinky cheese every day, but at least there were always extra shifts available.

Crinkle-crinkle. Rip.

Crinkle. Rip-rip.

A toothbrush (this was new too), a little can of mandarin oranges, and a musty book with pictures of boats finished the pile. The Boy looked around and sighed. All too suddenly, the joy was gone.

“Are you happy with all your gifts? Can you imagine anything better than these? I bet that all you need now is just one more to make it that much better.” She glanced towards the breadbox, which was perched on the edge of the crowded counter. All of the bills which were normally stuffed inside were stacked on top. Even as they watched, the uppermost layer drifted down to the gritty floor. The Boy darted to the box and looked inside. There it was! Another gift! And it was a big one too!

This gift was wrapped in actual wrapping paper with little brown reindeers cavorting on a pink background. If the Boy had paid attention, he would have recognized the paper from Kraken’s birthday last summer. Needless to say, that was not the first time out for the reindeers. They had originally arrived wrapped around a box of dried cactus fruit that Kraken had brought home from a Christmas party at work some years back. The Boy’s mother cringed as her son started ripping. She never even had a chance to remind him to save the paper.

“Wow!! A for-real SIM the Great action figure! I just love it! It’s the greatest thing ever-ever-ever-EVER! Thanks, Mom!”

“You’re very welcome, my little love.” Her smile was almost as big as the Boy’s.

“Mom, I’m not LITTLE!”

SIM the Great and the Boy jumped onto her lap to give her a tight squeeze, nearly sending her coffee cup flying. She was so relieved that her son liked his ‘action figure,’ for it was not an official SIM the Great action figure at all. It was, in fact, Bratty Patty, the last of her cherished dolls that she had repurposed to look like the mystical owner of Tasty Town. Amagra had once owned all the Quintessential Quadruplets—Anxious Alice, Excuse You Susie, Eva the Diva, and Bratty Patty. Each one came with a suitcase with seven wardrobe changes. They were exclusive dolls and Amagra had proudly paraded hers and kept them in pristine condition. Over the years and through the marriages, they had dwindled. Selling Alice had helped pay the rent. Susie was scorched beyond recognition by an out-of-control BBQ. And the Boy himself had shorn Eva’s hair when he was two. But Patty had survived, until now. Amagra had painted on a clownlike smile, sewn obnoxious plaid overalls and dotted them with a purple Bingo dauber, and finally, attached fluorescent orange string to its head to match SIM’s fizzy, crazed hair. The Boy didn’t seem to notice any difference, although he should have recognized the orange factory string which tied the cheese packages, since he so often played with Scrap using those same scraps.

“SIM and me are gonna be the bestest friends we’ll ever have!” He proudly held the doll above his head.

“I see. I’m sure SIM will be a great help to you with your chores.” She paused as the Boy scowled. “You know, you might even meet the real SIM today.”

The Boy froze. His eyes jiggled and grew eight sizes.

“Really?? Is it true?” He sprang to life and grabbed her arm. “Are we finally going to Tasty Town?”

Jump!

“Are we?”

Jump!

“ARE WE?! ARE WE?!”

Jump! Jump!

His mom jerked back and forth with each jump like a garden hose running full force with nobody to hold it.

“We certainly a-a-are!” She managed to free her misused limb and rub her shoulder without a grimace. She held a snicker behind her teeth, but the teasing twinkle in her eye gave her away.

“YIPPEEE!!!” Jumping out of his skin, the Boy took off with SIM, screaming and laughing as the worried words of his mother followed him down the hall.

“Be very careful! Slow down, or you’ll set off your asthma!”

“I’m f-i-i-i-i-ine!”

He ran through the narrow house, tripping on the legs of his oversized hand-me-down pants, bounced up and down on the saggy couch, and slid across the dusty floor on his knees.

The Boy had been begging his mother to go to Tasty Town ever since he was old enough to talk. He would sit in front of the tv, pining for a commercial break. When SIM finally appeared, the Boy would sit as close as possible to the tv, mimicking SIM’s booming voice and fluid movements. The commercials were full of everything a small boy could want—carnival delights, phantasmagorical grandeur, and unruly food. “Everyone’s a friend and nothing compares to home!” SIM the Great beckoned one and all to come while he danced and played on an armadillo-shaped accordion with two heads. The Tasty Town theme song was the first one the Boy learned all by himself.

Come on down to Tasty Town!
SIM’s a happy, jolly clown!

Tasty Town is lots of fun

It’s bigger than a hotdog bun!

 The Boy couldn’t believe it was finally happening! He had waited his whole life for this!

Swoosh!

He ran.

Whee!

He spun.

Sproing!

He jumped.

He was just enjoying a particularly impressive knee slide in the hallway when he felt himself smash into somebody’s unyielding legs.