Life hasn’t been sunshiny and rosy this week on the Island of Misfit Toys. In fact, it’s been downright cloudy, especially as I think about Thanksgiving. As a result, I’m having difficulty latching onto a topic for this week’s post and generating the energy for revising the ones in the queue.[1]

FUTURE POSTS

Rough drafts for multiple posts are waiting, but they all need something (such as research here or research there, and one is waiting for a picture to arrive from the bowels of the prison). And MFT and I are working through some relationship issues (if you’ve read this post, it will be no surprise that it’s regarding how we communicate), so that’s taking up our together blog time.

As a teaser, here are the tantalizing titles I have lined up for your reading pleasure and my parenthetical thoughts on why they’re not yet ready for publishing:

1. What’s It Like Being Married to a Prisoner? (this one’s a little on the short side)
2. On Death Row (needs research & an interview with MFT)
3. What’s Life Without Like?/Real Life Lord of the Flies (needs research & details from MFT)
4. Mammas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Inmates[2] (waiting for the afore-mentioned photograph of the proud graduating class)
5. Happy Anniversary to Us (waiting until our anniversary rolls around . . . in 11 months)
6. The Hidden Costs of a Prison Relationship (feels a little wordy/boring to me)
7. How I Communicate With My Inmate—and So Can You! (overcommunicating on communicating—needs to be trimmed)
8. Meet Dolly/My Life Outside the Prison (this feels anticlimactic—why would you want to read about me when you can read about MFT?)
9. Meet Our Marriage Therapist: Chat GPT (still just notes on paper)
10. Communicating About Commutation (still just a twinkle in my eye)
11. Happy Holidays in Prison (MFT has had 24 years of holidays alone—I just need to write it all down)

THANKSGIVING

As I alluded to above, Thanksgiving is approaching, and for most people, that means family gatherings with good food. Due to the wrong choice last fall to move to the middle of the country,[3] I am now facing this holiday season alone.

You’re probably expecting me to talk about missing MFT on Thanksgiving, but honestly, that won’t factor into it at all. Unlike couples who were together before one goes off to prison, we’ve never had a “normal” life together. So being apart on the holidays is our normal. I’m used to spending holidays without MFT, but not without my four sons.[4]

Of course, MFT and I hope to have phone and video calls on Thanksgiving. It’s not guaranteed, though, because, you know—250 guys all trying to use 6 phones and 3 kiosks. And these are the “reliable” methods of communication. There are also 9 wall mounts for video calls, but they are so jinky they’re not even worth the effort. Texting and calling on tablets will be lots of fun too, because on high-traffic days such as Thanksgiving, the server can’t handle the volume and constantly bumps you off.

I will not be working on Thanksgiving, so I will have the holiday off. My day could go one of two ways . . .

Door #1 or Door #2

1. I will enjoy my extra day off to the fullest (normally I work 6 days a week). Make some yummy Thanksgiving food for myself and spend the whole day working on personal projects—there are always so many! Or I could read a new-to-me Nora Roberts book all day long—the ultimate luxury.
2. I will feel isolated and completely alone, missing my boys and daughter-in-law.[5] For several years, several of us had a weekly movie date—we’d grab some take-out and watch a movie or the next few episodes in a show (our favorite has been The Amazing Race.) And now, since I moved to this lonesome state, we don’t do that anymore. And that’s been really hard on me.

It’s a toss-up which day will play out. Some days, when I’m feeling on top of things, I look forward to what’s behind Door #1. But other days, everything feels like too much.

I work as a home health aide, and I’m starting to feel emotional burn-out with one of my clients. Also, next week I will be getting the results of some mental health testing, and I’m expecting to receive a diagnosis. While not a surprise, it will still be a Big Thing to adjust to. On those days, I’m pretty sure I’ll get Door #2.

But you know what?

Sitting with my sadness—that’s okay.

[1] How I love typing that word: U-E-U-E.

[2] I’ve been eagerly waiting to use this title!

[3] Repeat after me: there are no mistakes, only lessons. There are no mistakes, only lessons.

[4] For the space of time between the realization of Son #3 and the realization of Son #4, I was so excited over the literary possibilities of having My Three Sons (popular sitcom from the 1960’s that I used to watch on Nick-at-Night.)

[5] Yes, indeedy—I finally have a girl, and she’s a gem! Son #1 chose wisely.