I did a quick Google search and found a blog post debunking these first 8 myths. I have not read the post, as I want my own unbiased opinion to share with you here (the only one that counts here on the Island of Misfit Toys). The information for the post is below if you’d like to read the original source and get somebody else’s perspective.
But first, I’d like to say that I can debunk all of these myths with one sentence—they are all broad generalizations that have no more basis in fact than saying something like, “Only men are good at engineering.”
They’re just not true.
There are definitely some people these myths apply to, but you can’t generalize from the few. There are people who do not fit these stereotypes, and for the sake of those people, I present to you . . .
Dolly’s Prison Relationship Myth Busting Bonanza!
Just a head’s up, I am speaking only from my experience with MFT, sweetheart that he is.
MYTH #1: MWI Couples Aren’t Real Couples
(MWI = Met While Incarcerated[1])
This statement is the same as saying that couples who meet online and live very far apart aren’t real couples.
What defines a “real couple” anyway? Proximity?
Think about relationships where one member is in the Navy and regularly goes on sea duty. Does their relationship cease to be a real relationship while they are living apart?
Or does being incarcerated somehow make relationships not real for you? Does this mean if you’re in prison that your relationship with your mother is no longer real? What about the best friend who still faithfully writes you? Is that not a real relationship either?
MFT and I are MWI, and let me tell you, our relationship is more real than my previous relationship of multiple decades. We talk, we laugh, we cry, we pray, we have sex, we argue, we call each other bad names—you get it. And this is just the list of what we do on the phone! So yes, our relationship is very real.
And as an added bonus, the state of California, county —, legitimized our real relationship on October 9, 2021. You can’t get any realer than that, folks!
So, if you can legally get married in prison, what right does anybody have to tell you your relationship isn’t real?
MYTH #2: They’re Just Using You for Money
Ha! This one is so far from true for us. Granted, MFT does know men who use their girlfriends for money, but he has a very low opinion of such men and tries to inspire them to revamp their self-serving thinking.[2] In fact, for most of our relationship, he has sent ME more money than I have sent HIM! He’s a very good provider within his means, slender though they are.
This myth is a gross generalization.
This myth is a dangerous generalization.
What other segment of society is acceptable to brand like this? Be careful how you answer this.
MYTH #3: They Talk to Multiple Women
Hm. Does your partner talk to multiple women? I think most men do.
Or, do you think by “talk” this myth means “solicit”?
MFT has three other females he knows quite well. Being a very charismatic, handsome, sexy man, he naturally attracts women. (And men! To date, he has received 4 new pen pal letters from men-of-a-certain-persuasion, which is hilarious, because he has zero attraction for his own gender.)
But, as with any real relationship, there will be signs if one person is being unfaithful.
This myth implies that only men in prison two-time it. (Or three-time it.) Hardly. Rather, I think the common denominator for this destructive behavior is just being human. (*psst* Women do it too.)
I have complete trust in MFT in this area. He tells me whenever he receives a new pen pal letter (sadly for him, they’ve all been men lately . . .). In fact, when I first met him, he told me in only his second communication with me that he was engaged. He didn’t have to tell me that. He could’ve pretended to be free and unencumbered. But he’s honest even when it’s painful for him. He has the highest standards for honesty of anybody I’ve ever known, so the idea of him being dishonest is . . . INCONCEIVABLE![3]
MYTH #4: They’ll Leave You Once They Get Out
I see this sad circumstance in the online groups frequently, so I know it’s a real thing. But just because it does happen doesn’t mean it will happen. There is a difference.
One reason I have complete confidence in MFT in this area is that his childhood was so traumatic that he NEEDS stability and predictability. He will NEED me to be there for him when he gets out and he NEEDS to be there for me (his words). The idea of him leaving me at a time when he will MOST need a stable, predictable person in his life is ludicrous.
MYTH #5: Only Desperate People Date Someone Incarcerated
Confession: I used to subscribe to this belief. *hangs head in shame*
When I first met MFT and found out he was engaged, I was shocked and horrified. Women date prisoners??? I didn’t even know that was a thing. What kind of women would do that??? Not nice women, that’s for sure . . .
But I’ve since met some very lovely and very genuine, very undesperate women who happen to be married to an inmate.
So I’ve just disproven this myth.[4]
MYTH #6: Prison Relationships Are Just Fantasy
I think there is some truth to this one. But it applies to any long-distance relationship where you aren’t able to be together often. The bulk of your relating has to happen in your mind.
And—they do say the brain is the most powerful sex organ. *wiggly eyebrows*
So maybe these fantasy relationships aren’t necessarily a negative thing? They might have an edge over your everyday, always-together relationships.
Think about that.
MYTH #7: They’re All About Just Manipulating People
Sorry, not MFT. As with #3, I just can’t conceive it of him. Sure, he will twist your arm to convince you his way is right, and he’ll smother you with smooth talk to sell you something, but you know exactly what he’s doing. He’s a schmoozer. (His grandma used to say he could sell snow to an Inuit.) But he’s not sneaky or deceitful or selfish, all of which I think are implied in this myth.
Again, I only needed one example to disprove this myth. (If you’re going to perpetuate myths, you should at least word them so they’re not so easy to disprove.)
MYTH #8: It’s All for Attention or Boredom
This might be the most harmful myth of them all. It implies that prisoners are incapable of experiencing genuine feelings or a real relationship, relegating them to the class of hairy creatures with knuckles dragging on the ground.
Do you honestly believe there are no decent people in the prisons? If you truly believe this, then you’d better be in the frontlines demanding a change in the current system, because the name of the prison game is rehabilitation. If this myth is true, then the system isn’t working.
Bonus MYTH #9: Prison Romances are Just Like Love/Life After Lockdown
No.
No.
Just no.
These shows are reality, but they are not MY reality or the reality of some of the very fine, upstanding women I know on the love-a-prisoner Facebook groups. The people in these shows are unhealthy, immature, selfish (and fertile). That’s why they’re on the show! It makes good television.
Let’s run through that list on my guinea pig:
Unhealthy? MFT is working very hard to correct the unhealthy patterns he learned as a child. To date, he has completed over 109 self-help courses in the Adobo platform and countless others over the years.
He does enjoy naughty jokes, if that qualifies as immature.
Selfish? No. Entitled? Yes. (There is a difference.)[5]
And his fertility remains to be seen.
So I beg of you. Please don’t see MFT and other inmates through the eyes of these myths and those trashy prison reality shows!
Work Cited
“Debunking Prison Relationship Myths.” Chaptersandchains.com, 02 Aug. 2025. https://chaptersandchains.com/2025/08/02/debunking-prison-relationship-myths/. Accessed 24 Aug. 2025.
[1] Just like the military, there are a plethora of acronyms in the prison system. And you guessed it—this topic is on my list of posts to write!
[2] Some of these men genuinely have no idea how to live in prison without taking. MFT tries to show them how they can pull their own weight in their relationships even though they are incarcerated.
[3] Gen Xers know!
[4] The way this myth is written, you only need one example to disprove it.
[5] MFT was raised as a little prince by his foolish great-grandmother. I joke with him that he acts AWFULLY entitled for a prisoner.